Just another incomplete story!

Today I woke up early. I felt the numbness suppress the morning trying to ring in my ear. My brain told me that it was just another day- another day of pretension and yet another day of sadism.

I looked in the mirror and saw a face yearning to wake up and a smile that seemed forced. The toothpaste was almost over and the bristles on the brush were pitiable. They were tired too. The watch ticked away as if enjoying the misery it caused to the still groggy soul.

Fragments of last night came back in bits and pieces- the fallen confetti and the half eaten cake. Another year gone by; another champagne bottle opened and another cake cut.

‘What do you want for your birthday?’

A question everybody asked. If only I could have what I wanted!

How did ‘my life back’ sound to them, I wondered.

Could a person be alive on memories alone and not want more?

Well I was late for class and thinking, in my opinion, just led to disaster.

Mrs. Ahluwalia was out and about as usual with her dog Goudi. She looked the same everyday: pink tracks, a white tee shirt that clung to her 50 something sagging body and a smile plastered to her wrinkled face.

“How was last night?” she asked like a good neighbour.

I would generally have engaged in civil conversation, but not today. I felt like shutting her out and moving forward. She didn’t seem to mind. It was just another part of her everyday routine.

The bus was stuck in traffic as usual, moving at snail’s pace and breaking like staccato. Everything was as it should have been. Just with a new number on the calendar.

But I had to see something different, do something out of the mundane. This was not how i planned it to be.

I got off the bus and started to walk- trot actually.

 

 

(…to be continued)

Advertisements

To the little girl who was afraid of the sea

When you were six, you hardly ever spoke. When in the company of strangers, you would hide behind my back and hold on to my shirt. When you were eleven we went to the sea and you were scared of how the waves splashed against the shore. You were terrified of the sound and smell of the water. You held on to my hand and refused to go anywhere near the it.

When you were five, we went on our first flight together. You were so shy that whenever any passer by tried to talk to you, you would squeeze my hand in a death grip. The nights they fought, we would lie close together on the bed holding each other while we shed tears.

Now you have grown up and I know are a strong independent woman. You were always the brains of the family and you always tried to do good by everyone. You are my little over achiever who aims to please. But amidst the world of thick books and medals, I hope you don’t leave your childhood behind.

Don’t make the same mistake I made at your age. Do not aim to please. Enjoy the sunshine after sleepless nights of hanging out with friends; enjoy the hangovers and the love pangs; enjoy the school dramas and the world of movies. Get your fill of sleep because after eighteen, you can bid goodbye to that. Get your fill of your family because people grow old and apart with age. Explore territories that you haven’t before. Fail once, fail twice and fail again because failure is a better teacher than success.

Dream a dream and then change that dream the next day because now is when the possibilities are most. Fall in love and realise the difference between love and infatuation. Get a job at McDonalds and understand that there is a lot of value in the smile of the boy who is given a happy meal by his father.

Join a cause and fight for it because if not now, when? When they ask you, “what do you want to be?” tell them that you want to be happy. When they ask which university, tell them the name of all possible ones because there is no end to learning.

Learn that experience is more valued than mugging up facts and that you can always change what you want. There is always a new dawn after a bad day.

Dear kid, don’t be sorry for not knowing what you want to do and for wanting something no one wants to give. It is okay. You will fail. You must fail. But you will come out of it shining, just like the time you boarded the plane on your own and made friends with the other passengers.

If a shy little kid could become a confident woman, there is nothing in this world you can’t do. I wish you knew how proud I was of you and I wish I could be the one you had your first smoke with and told all your secrets to.

But alas! It is what it is. All I know for a fact is that I will always watch over you even if it is from behind a screen.

Could you?

Could you live with the night in your sunny universe?

Could you accommodate a tear in your vast smile?

Could you stay awake when all you needed was sleep?

Could you fool yourself in thinking everything was fine?

Could you carry the burden of the past knowing it wasn’t one of yours?

Could you be fine for you and i both?

Could you desire when i had lost hope?

Could you hope when i despaired?

Could you be ruined for the sake of my reputation?

Could you replace your warmth with my chill?

Could you truly make me yours when i’m not even mine anymore?

Could you feel when I went numb?

Could you live with knowing that it was a path of thorns you were walking on?

Could you spin poetry from the unwritten prose i served you?

Could you?

Could you?