To my muse

Dear muse,

I started writing to you about you when you left me; when you exited my life; when you stopped calling and asking how I was. This birthday, you forgot to wish me. I haven’t spoken to you in weeks and yes I miss you. You are always there at the back of my mind. You are there in my every thought and action. The day you leave my thoughts, I will lose my art and myself. My only way of keeping you alive is when I write to you about you. My muse- how I owe you my sanity and myself. If you hadn’t come into my life the way you did, I would never have felt surprise. If you had never stayed in my life as you did, I would never have experienced ecstasy. If you never left me the way you did, I would never have known agony. Whatever makes a person a writer is definitely not happiness. My love for you knows no bounds. You will always be my firsts—my first love, my first mistake, my first act of defiance, my first sinister deed and my first awakening. I will never really move on. You are a phenomenon; a storm that uprooted every one of my ideals and beliefs and left me barren. Barren, yet full of knowledge of how the world works. My sweet—you will always be the one. Many will come and many will go, but you shall remain in my heart forever. Maybe one day we will meet in a distant city as tourists who have landed up lost in the same coffee shop. Maybe then we will talk, share a cup of hot caramel macchiato. My touch will remind you of those endless nights we spent together, your laughter will remind me of our innocence and maybe we will relive the past together, as one. Maybe then we will realize what we lost and what we have the chance to regain. Maybe then, we will never let each other go. Maybe then, we can give it a try again. Till then, all I can do is dream—dream of the distant city with fog all around; of women in turtle necks; of men in waistcoats; of the smell of patisseries; of the taste of that caramel macchiato and dream of the taste of a possibility in my mouth. Live long inside me, my muse. I need you for survival. God knows I do.


One thought on “To my muse

  1. While having my Saturday coffee started checking blogs again. What can I say madame your blog intrigues me every time.

    The thought of love and heartbreak at a young age I say it’s necessary and I agree if you don’t have your heart broken and da feeling of agony inside how will you learn to love again.

    Now da title “muse” using it as a personification to your ex lover is something I disagree with,cause I feel da skills and talent you possess and da mature writing which I have read cannot be influenced by just a person. Quoting shelley here “what I jot down in da paper is simply da environment and da surroundings I belong” so basically your writing has to do alot of from who you grew up with, da environment you grew up in and yes your friends and buddies and childhood attraction towards literature I guess(remember da 1st book you got as a gift when you were a child dat person made you wat ur as a writer today 😉 just a guess)

    Let me share a story from my personal life it should make you think why I disagree with your title. Now I had a pretty friend from school days her name was X she studied in lamartinere a school in kolkata,we studied together we played together irony even worked together at da same place call it more than a 10 years of friendship even holy cow we knew each others boyfriends and girlfriends. Trust me sometimes my girlfriends used to think that I am probably in a secret relationship with her which is not da case we were jus good friends. A good thing about women friends I feel dan men is that women are sensitive and they don judge or make a mockery of ur failures, your dumb demands or a hobby which might seem a bit weird to your men friends. Let me give you a good example my girlfriend breaks up with me i am heart broken and all depressed ms X would come console me and make everything feel right now my guy friends would wanna take me out to a drink and talk about da fact there are plenty other fishes in da sea but your head says idiots I want my old fish back……I hope you see da point here.

    Now adulthood brings across alot of complexities in life I guess and during a moment of emotional crisis it brought us together and yes we fell in love. It was a picture perfect love story waiting for her to finish her work till late night so we can come back home together,going out for long walks talking about random stuff in life,surprising her with small gifts to like flowers chocolates and writing small romantic notes at times to bring a smile in her face. It was a picture perfect love story and if you ask me we were poles apart and none of us even enforced our ideologies on each other and respected each others individuality.

    Destiny is something which wanted otherwise i guess she’s no more there I lost her and my heart doesn’t ache because I lost my lover I lost a great friend probably my best friend I miss her chirpiness, I miss my play station partner and miss my debate buddy. Yes we never impacted or ever tried changing each other’s ideologies cause we respected them.

    If I travel to a different land in da future and let’s say I get to have a coffee with a beautiful stranger I can tell you that she would come to my dream and tell me she’s a good keep and if you break her heart you would have a score to settle with me.

    So you see my objective of narrating this small story to you is to say tht a person didn’t bring the writer out of you its your environment and da changes in your life which has influenced da literary work in you. You have immense talent and you will go along way as a writer jus let da environment where your around influence you. If you ever have doubts in your writing and ideas are not popping into that mind jus shut your laptop down go to da balcony gaze at da horizon pooff an idea will jus pop into your mind. Keep in mind you are you and no individual can influence you,only your environment can.

    Ps:gr8 piece of literary work and hope you enjoyed my sharing cause my only intention is to inspire u so u can give gr8 pieces like this to the literary world 🙂 and yes wish you a belated happy birthday hope you had a gr8 time seems like you wrote this piece just after your birthday 🙂

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